The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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