I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
