Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
