and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
