Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
