so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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