Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize