my mouth tastes like poor choices
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
