He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
