he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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