went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
