the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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