It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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