Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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