whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
