Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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