oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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