I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
