i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize