the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
