Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
