It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
