I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
