This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
