I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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