The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
