the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
