Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
