She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
