fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
