the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
