if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
