I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
