I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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