If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
