By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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