I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
