Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize