My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
