I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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