no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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