he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
