I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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