FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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