if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
