Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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