We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
