if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize