i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
