My boss' voice literally gives me gas
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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