afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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