after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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