they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
