Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
