I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
