sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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