I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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