yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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