I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
