Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize