but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
