Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
