glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
