Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it's great music for shaving your balls
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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