I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
