is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize