I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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