So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
