Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
