I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
