I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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