After last night, I could never be a politician.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
