ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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