I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
