Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He better not be in your backpack
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
